|
Sex Facts...yay a real quiz....
1. In what year was underwear invented?
a. 1727
b. c. 1450
c. 1850
d. 1939
2. According to sex shops, what is the LEAST popular flavor of edible underwear?
a. strawberry
b. cherry
c. chocolate
d. vanilla
3. What is ithyphallophobia?
a. the phobia of having sex
b. the phobia of seeing a naked body or being naked
c. the phobia of thinking about or having an erect penis
d. the phobia of desk chairs
4. Which male mammal has the highest rate of homosexuality?
a. the bat
b. the dolphin
c. humans
d. dogs
5. How much semen does an average male ejaculate during his lifetime?
a. 12 pints
b. 16 gallons
c. 18 quarts
d. 35 quarts
6. How many porn webpages are there for every normal webpage?
a. 12
b. 5
c. 2
d. 9
7. According to the Kinsey Institute, how long was the largest erect penis?
a. 13 inches
b. 10 inches
c. 15 inches
d. 17 inches
8. How many documented cases have there been of a man with two penises?
a. 81 cases
b. over 500 cases
c. 107 cases
d. 0 cases
9. What is the most common fantasy?
a. two members of the same sex as fantasized by the opposite sex
b. anal sex
c. sex with a celebrity
d. oral sex
10. What is the state that, if caught, you could get life in prison for having oral sex?
a. Idaho
b. Missouri
c. Mississippi
d. Texas
Ok...that last one...good lord. why i ask you...why? I mean come on. Who cares? And who is spying anyway?
answers.
1. letter c. 1850....that is freaking ridiculous. How could women possibly survive? i mean....periods and all..
2. letter c. chocolate. cherry is the most popular
3. letter c. the fear of having or seeing an erect penis...thats sad. i cannot understand that one. but i have an intense
phobia of frogs and toads...phobias are sad
4. letter a. bats. crazy.
5. letter c. 18 quarts. thats a lot. quite a bit in fact.
6. letter b. 5. but you know? porn is good for the soul
7. letter a. 13 inches. I would have thought bigger for the largest i guess. But still...thats longer than a foot. Yes,
i am smart. I do remember first grade math.
8. letter a. 81 cases. the first was found by a doctor in Bologna examining a dead body.
9. letter d. oral sex. yea. i can see it.
10. letter a. Idaho....in adition to those fucking creaps, these are the states that oral sex is illegal in...Arizona,
Florida, Minnesota, Louisiana, parts of Michigan, North Carolina, South Carolina, Utah, and Virginia.....remind me never to
move to any of those states....nevermind. I like to live on the wild side...
oh and i like this ...... did you know that when a man is hanged his penis becomes erect?
Have You Ever......
1. Have you ever given a lap dance?
a. Yes
b. No
c. No Comment
d. What the hell is that?
2. Have you ever cheated on your significant other?
a. Yes
b. No
c. No Comment
d. What the hell is that?
3. Have you ever used a sex swing?
a. Yes
b. No
c. No Comment
d. What the hell is that?
4. Have you ever had sex in a public place?
a. Yes
b. No
c. No Comment
d. What the hell is that?
5. Have you ever named your genitals?
a. Yes
b. No
c. No Comment
d. What the hell are those?
6. Have you ever done more than three different sex positions?
a. Yes
b. No
c. No Comment
d. There's more than one?
7. Have you ever had a threesome?
a. Yes
b. No
c. No Comment
d. What the hell is that?
8. Have you ever been caught masturbating?
a. Yes
b. No
c. No Comment
d. What the hell is that?
9. Have you ever joined the mile high club?
a. Yes
b. No
c. No Comment
d. What the hell is that?'
10. Have you ever choked on anything while having sex?
a. Yes
b. No
c. No Comment
d. What the hell is that?
11. Have you and your partner ever indulged in bondage/S&M fantasies?
a. Yes
b. No
c. No Comment
d. What the hell does that mean?
12. Have you ever used produce to spice you your sex life?
a. Yes
b. No
c. No Comment
d. What the hell is that?
13. Have you ever done role playing?
a. Yes
b. No
c. No Comment
d. What the hell is that?
14. Have you ever been involved in an orgy?
a. Yes
b. No
c. No Comment
d. What the hell is that?
15. Have you ever practiced beastiality and/or necrophelia?
a. Yes
b. No
c. No Comment
d. What the hell is that?
Embarassing Moments....what to do about them...
#1 You walk in on your parents having sex. What do you do?
a) scream "Oh my god!" and run out.
b) stand there and watch
c) embrace it...your parents are people too.
d) ask if you can join
#2 As you are getting ready to get on top of your lover, your feet get stuck in the covers and you
accidently knee that person in the genitals. What do you do?
a) apologize and start crying
b) make it up to them by a sexual favor
c) laugh and snicker
d) apologize and get on with it
#3 Your lover is lying on the bed waiting for you to slip into something a little more comfortable.
As you are making your way through the door, you trip on air and fall. What do you do?
a) pick yourself up and smile like you meant to do that
b) run back to the bathroom and try to start over
c) pull your lover on top of you
d) cry and run out of the room
#4 You are going fishing with your lover and as you throw the pole back to cast the line, the hook
gets caught on your lovers genitals. You then proceed to cast. What do you do when they start screaming?
a) scream "Holy Shit" and try to help them stop the bleeding
b) cry and pout expecting to be consoled because you just had an embarassing moment
c) cry and try to run away
d) immediately help to take them to the hospital
#5 You are throwing your lover a surprise birthday party. When they come through the door, they had
obviously been expecting a calm night just the two of you. This is obvious by the many sex toys they are carrying. Both your
mothers are there. How do you deal with it?
a) shrug and say "So we have sex...what's the problem"
b) smile nicely and say "Oh my god what are those" pretending to be innocent
c) get really embarassed and hide the rest of the night
d) kiss him and tell everyone those were a gag gift
#6 GIRLS - You are dancing at a nightclub with your boyfriend and a boob pops out. What do
you do?
a) push it back in, but be cautious the rest of the night
b) get embarassed and ask to leave immediately
c) pretend like it never happened and keep dancing
d) get tears in your eyes and ask God for forgiveness because you decided to wear a scandolous
dress that night
#6 BOYS - Your fly is down and that day you were not wearing any underwear. Someone tells you about it, and
what do you say to them?
a) "Oh, what? Okay thanks for noticing. Do you like it?"
b) "Oh god no!" and zip it up and leave quickly
c) "Good thing you noticed, I might have gone all night and what if I got excited!?"
d) "WHAT! It can't be my penis. I'm wearing underwear"
#7 You are meeting a friend after not having seen them in a long time. Then you say "So who have you
done lately?" on accident. How do you cover up your mistake? Obviously they have not noticed.
a) smile and pretend like nothing happened
b) laugh hysterically
c) don't say anything the rest of the night
d) say "It was a mistake, but I really want to know actually"
#8 You are with your lover and you fart. What do you do?
a) say "excuse me"
b) pretend like nothing happened
c) laugh and say "It happens"
d) get really red and tell your lover the night has ended
#9 The girl is sitting on the guys lap. His vibrating phone starts to go off. What do you do?
a) both of you get really red and have the girl sit next to the guy from now on
b) laugh and say "Wow thats hot!"
c) take it as a sign that sex has been initated
d) just sit there and pretend nothing happened
#10 You are in the car and have to go to the bathroom really badly. You are sitting in traffic. All
of a sudden, you wet your pants. What do you do?
a) apologetically say you will clean it up
b) say "oops that sucks"
c) tell your lover that you think the relationship cannot get over this
d) get really red and start to cry
Answers....
1... a) 3 b) 1 c) 2 d) 0
2... a) 2 b) 0 c) 3 d) 1
3... a) 1 b) 2 c) 0 d) 3
4... a) 1 b) 2 c) 3 d) 0
5... a) 0 b) 2 c) 3 d) 1
6... a) 1 b) 2 c) 0 d) 3
7... a) 2 b) 3 c) 1 d) 0
8... a) 1 b) 2 c) 0 d) 3
9... a) 3 b) 1 c) 0 d) 2
10.. a) 1 b) 0 c) 3 d) 2
If you scored...
0-10 Embrace It
Shit happens. You realize that. You welcome embarassment...or at least you don't turn it away.
11-20 Middle Ground
You get embarassed but for good reasons. But for the most part, you don't let that interfere
with your relationship. Way to go!
21-30 Red Faced Looney
You freak out at the littlest thing. Everyone has embarassing moments. Either You cannot realize
this or you have no backbone. Get used to it. Crap will be there for you always. If your lover cannot accept a few embarassing
moments, they aren't worth it. Go fuck someone who has a life. Life sucks, and so do you
Quiz number ?
How prude are you?
1) Which is your favorite sexual position?
a) missionary
b) doggy style
c) girl on top
d) with animals
2) What is your favorite time of day to...um....?
a) when the cock crows
b) during the night...my husband does it to me while im sleeping
c) anytime is fine with me as long as i'm getting some
d) only after dark. looking at each other is sinful! and only if we are planning to have a family
3) If you could fuck one of the following people who would it be?
a) Yoda......old and wrinkly
b) Chewbaca....furry men on the beach
c) Darth Vader....all that black...i feel, naughty
d) Leah....the buns give me something to grab on to
4) What kind of clothing would you like to take off of your lover(s)?
a) strawberry flavored string bikini
b) moo moo
c) rubber spandex
d) firefighters uniform
5) Which of the following is MOST appropriate to put inside you?
a) ice cubes
b) things you find alongside the road
c) homeless men
d) sugary things
6) Who shot the sheriff?
a) professor plum in the library with the wrench
b) miss scarlet in the ballroom with the rope
c) colonel mustard in the conservatory with the lead pipe
d) jesse james in the brothel with the string bikini
7) Favorite bedroom accessory....
a) strippers pole
b) produce
c) costumes, wigs, lingerie
d) lawn gnomes
8) Who is your sexual Jesus?
a) Johnny Knoxville (as it should be)
b) Jesus H. Christ
c) your dog
d) your vibrator
9) How do you invision a pool boy?
a) young and sexy with a huge pole
b) old and wrinkly with a saggy banana hammock
c) middle aged with a beer belly and a thong
d) Santa with muscles
10) If a man was riding Jesus which proverbidiom would it pertain to...
a) Ace in the hole
b) Riding the back of religion
c) Stairway to heaven
d) you people are sacreligious!
11) Which of these pickup lines have you or would you use?
a) Is it just me or is your crotch glowing?
b) Nice shoes wanna fuck?
c) (lick them) There, now you're all wet. Let's get you out of those clothes.
d) Hi! I'm not Scott Baio
12) Which of these things is most appropriate to put in your cooter?
a) all of the above
b) lawn furniture
c) sharp things
d) George w. bush
13) Which of these could you see yourself saying in bed?
a) Where is it?
b) Mind if my family joins?
c) By the way, I've got crabs
d) Oh wait, I thought you were your sister
e) Daddy is that you?
14) What is your porn of choice?
a) gay porn
b) shark porn
c) fetish porn (the gross kind)
d) fetish porn (the good kind)
15) Did you enjoy this quiz?
a) I got off on it
b) I wish Oprah had been in it cuz she turns me on
c) it was blasphemous
d) and i'm spent
Answers....
1... a) 0 b) 2 c) 1 d) 3
2... a) 2 b) 1 c) 3 d) 0
3... a) 0 b) 1 c) 3 d) 2
4... a) 3 b) 0 c) 1 d) 2
5... a) 0 b) 3 c) 2 d) 1
6... a) 0 b) 2 c) 1 d) 3
7... a) 3 b) 0 c) 1 d) 2
8... a) 3 b) 0 c) 2 d) 1
9... a) 3 b) 0 c) 1 d) 2
10.. a) 3 b) 2 c) 3 d) 0
11.. a) 3 b) 0 c) 2 d) 1
12.. a) 0 b) 1 c) 3 d) 2
13.. a) 0 b) 3 c) 2 d) 1 e) 4
14.. a) 1 b) 2 c) 3 d) 0
15.. a) 2 b) 0 c) 1 d) 3
If you scored....
# 0 - 15
Neuter!!!!!!!!
In the words of Big Ethel, "My daughter's a good girl, she hates sex!" You are her daughter. You are a worthless
prude who will never mount anything. (sexual) Jesus has called upon you to do his bidding. Now get sexin' or get off the pot!
# 16 - 30
Glen
or Glenda?
You are sexually confused. One minute you are stuffing lawn gnomes in your crotch, and the next
minute you are in church asking the priest to forgive you for leading him on. You are a coward. Make up your mind...are you
a neuter or a sex addict? You must decide without david hasslehoff's help. May the force be with you.
# 31 - 46
Sex
Pot
You dirty whore you. "Your cunt is like a charity. You must give, give, and give..." Sometimes
there is too much giving, and you must receive. This is a common problem. But you have seemed to master the art of decision
making. You are a charity always welcoming new cummers. Only you can prevent fornication...but you know better. You are the
fornicating god. You share your skills with the world. Go in peace to love and service the world.
Question #
1.
~How will you tell your lover you love them?
a. writing it in the clouds?
b.
name on a blimp at a baseball game
c. bus stop on Route 5
d. during sex
Question #
2
~Which of these was actually a news headline (2 are correct)?
a. Extensive Reasearch shows that sex is enjoyed by many
b.
U.S. Airforce fights Chlamydia
c. studies show that people who have sex are 50 times more likely to get pregnant than those people who do not have sex.
d. research shows that herpes originated in a small town in arkansas
Question #
3
~How many times a week do you masturbate?
a. 0
b. 1-2
c. 3-5
d. 6+
Question #
4
~While having sex, who do you fanticize about?
a. actor/athlete/singer
b. your lover
c. cartoon character
d. someone you made up
Question #
5
~Where would you chose to have a quickie?
a. on top of a running washing machine
b. car
c. elevator
d. boardroom
Question #
6
~What gets your motor running?
a.
your lover kissing your neck
b. x-rated video
c. your lover sucking your toes
d. your lover dressing in your clothes
Question #
7
~IF
you were playing a sport that led to sex what would it be?
a. the ice capades (I love sparkles. That's so hot...especially on guys)
b. baseball (what girl can't resist that buldge)
c. hockey (some like it rough)
d. bowling (big balls are hot)
Question #
8
~If you could do any of these things as pre foreplay, what would it be?
a. mudwrestling
b. playing the banjo
c. smoking basil
d. strip poker
Question #
9
~What
type of contraceptives do you prefer?
a. nutralamb condoms
b. glow in the dark condoms
c. the pill
d. candy wrapper condoms
Question #
10
~Finish
this sentence...I want to be
a. the dominant
b. in love
c. a stripper
d. a person of the opposite sex.
Totals:
Questions:
1. a)3. b)2. c)1. d)0
2. a)2. b)3. c)0. d)0
3. a)0. b)1. c)2. d)3
4. a)3. b)0. c)2. d)1
5. a)3. b)0. c)2. d)1
6. a)3. b)2. c)1. d)0
7. a)1. b)2. c)3. d)2
8. a)3. b)0. c)1. d)2
9. a)1. b)3. c)2. d)0
10.
a)3. b)2. c)1. d)0
If you scored...
0-10
"You Suck at Sex You Worthless Piece
of Trash”
For those of
you in this category, you need a little help. Okay, you need a lot of help. You have no romance inside your bones whatsoever.
You are boring. You lack movement. You sit there and take it. In order for sex to be interesting, it has to be interesting,
which you aren’t! You are like Michael Bolton with the mullet: a freak existing only because crazy people like you.
Don’t quit your day job.
11-20“Off and
Running Like a Herd of Turtles”
Those of you
in this category may be off to a slow start, but you will get it one day. You are trying and that is all that matters. Have
you ever heard that song We Built This City? Well, I’m sorry, but I must compare that song to you. It was apparently
(although I can’t see why) a good song in its time. Now, it is one of the worst songs of all time. This song is like
you. It may be good for old people, but young people think it is horrid. Practice sex before you become an old lady at heart.
21-30 “Cheerleading
Captain”
Women: you
are like a cheerleader. You are willing to do anything to please your partner, and you’ve lost most of your brain cells
from knocking your head against something hard. In a cheerleader’s case, it would probably be a door, but in yours,
it is the headboard. Men: you are like a football player. You think with your groin, and like the cheerleader, you have been
hit in the head so many times, your brain cells have disappeared. Well, at least the sex is good.
What type of Pervert are you!?
Question #1:
~If you were having a romantic night alone with your boyfriend, what kind of panties would you
wear?"
a) crotchless
b) g-string
c) granny
d) none
Question #2
~It is almost Valentine's Day. What type of romantic night would you want
you and your lover to share?
a)
horse-drawn carriage in the moonlight and then dinner by candlelight
b)
skinny dipping in the hottub
c)
renting a motel with a vibrating bed
d)
playing Yatzee with your family while your significant other watches basketball.
Question #3
~Before you two make love, you watch a movie.
Which movie will you be watching this Valentine's Day?
a) Love Actually
b) Richard Simmon's Disco
c) Blowjob Adventures of Dr. Fellatio
d) Little Mermaid
Question #4
~Before you hop on off to bed, six words pop into your head. What are they?
a) The really hard red bull test
b) Oh my god, I have crabs
c) Damn! I am so tired already
d) Oh my god I am horny.
Question #5
~Your best friend is really creepy and decided to get you and your boyfriend a sex toy
for Valentine's Day to use with as you please. What did she get you?
a) cock cage
b) vibrating duckies
c) pocket rocket
d) S & M whips, chains and leather.
Question #6
~Your significant other has a fetish, what is it?
a) baseball
b) feet
c) S & M
d) peeing on you
Question #7
~Your significant other wants to do a little roleplaying. What are you most likely to
play?
a) cab driver
b) porn star
c) baseball player
d) COCKtail waitress
Question #8
~In order to spice up your relationship, your significant other suggests "doing it" in an exotic
place...Where will you do it?
a) bed
b) men's room at Denny's
c) back of a car
d) in a cabin in by the lake in the woods in the mountains by a fire curled up on a bearskin rug on the floor
with a fleece blanket over you while the trophies watch your every move
Question #9
~Your significant other hands you an aphrodisiac...What did he or she hand you?
a) oyster shots
b) chocolate
c) Viagra
d) magic mushrooms
Question # 10
~What king of music do you listen to to get busy to?
a) Marvin Gaye
b) Rod Stewart
c) Spice Girls
d) Marilyn Manson
Add up your points using this scale....
Questions
Points
1
a) 3, b) 1, c) 0, d) 2
2
a) 1, b) 3, c) 2, d) 0
3
a) 2, b) 0, c) 3, d) 1
4
a) 3, b) 1, c) 0, d) 2
5
a) 2, b) 0, c) 1, d) 3
6 a)
1, b) 2, c) 3, d) 0
7
a) 0, b) 2, c) 1, d) 3
8 a)
1, b) 0, c) 2, d) 3
9
a) 3, b) 2, c) 0, d) 1
10
a) 3, b) 2, c) 0, d) 1
If you scored 0-10 You are:
Dead as a Doornail...
You may be romantic, but your tactics are no less than B-O-R-I-N-G! You lack skill in the area of
sex. Try watching Talk Sex With Sue on the Oxygen channel. She will give you tips on anything you need to know. Or, go to a
sex store. There are lots of little gadgets you can find in there to enhance your pleasure. If you do not feel
comfortable going in there, or are under the age of 18, bring a parent. If you are not willing to go the extra step to
improve your love life, then tisk tisk I say to you. You are not deserving of a love life.
If you scored 11-20 you are:
Alive and Kickin'
You maybe be romantic and you may enjoy sex as much as the next person, but you are not fully,
up to par on the ways of tantric love. Try reading a sex book with pictures...lots and lots of pictures. If that doesn't get
your motor running, try standing on your head and counting to ten. This may not improve your love life, but I promise it will
let the blood rush to your head and away from your genitals...though that may not be such a good thing. Remember that practice
makes perfect. You are almost there. Keep on truckin'
If you scored 21-30 you are:
Horny as Hell:
AMEN I SAY TO YOU! You are a master at the ways of love. I bow down to you. Your S & M tactics
really paid off. What did i tell you about using leather gloves and blindfolds and handcuffs and whips and chains? You must
have lovers lining up and down the hallways just to be with you. You have minions at your disposal...use them well. For only
you hold the key to eternal happiness: Sex, sex and more sex.
|
